Resolve to know more.

Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week 2014. I meant to blog about this earlier but I struggled with what to say. I know I talk about infertility alot and if you are sick of hearing it, just keep reading for future posts and skip this one. But we all know this cause is near and dear to my heart so I'm going to keep talking about it as long as I live. It's important. It's usually a silent struggle and it shouldn't have to be. It shouldn't make people uncomfortable, it should be an opportunity for people to lean on each other and lift each other up in their darkest times. To help others keep hope and find solutions. To resolve to know more about how to help each other and themselves.

Resolve.org is an infertility related website that I didn't know existed until this year and wish I had known about while we were trying to get pregnant. It has some great resources and articles! We won't get into our infertility journey again, it's peppered all over this blog throughout my pregnancy posts if you want to read and catch up on how we got here. I did also share my story by way of an essay through this website. In honor of the 25th anniversary of infertility awareness week RESOLVE is sharing 25 stories of women who have shared their story and tried to help others through infertility by reaching out. This year's blogging theme is RESOLVE to know more!  For example.

• Resolve to know more about when to see a fertility specialist. 
• Resolve to know more about all your family building options.   
• Resolve to know more about infertility advocacy.  
• Resolve to know more about the latest treatment options. 
• Resolve to know more about the disease of infertility.  
• Resolve to know more about adoption.

I have talked alot about what we did through our journey and the treatment options available to women now, along with the disease of infertility itself. And this website offers the same. I love that it encourages education and helping others with infertility as well. It's so empowering to know there are people out there that are public about their journey like I am and want to help others. I still cannot believe the outpouring of support and love and messages we received from our friends and family and coworkers during the process of this blog thanking us for sharing our story with them. It was truly heart warming to hear the feedback! It seems the majority of people know someone who has struggled with infertility or has struggled themselves or is even still struggling and my heart goes out to them. Even after having Henry here it's hard for me to forget the pain and struggle we went through to get him here and of course that makes him even more precious of a gift, but it's still hard. I still look at him and weep in sheer disbelief that he is mine, that I get to keep him, that we beat infertility. We WON! I want other women to know they can win this battle too. For some it may not be a story like ours with a baby of their own. We were very very blessed in that way. But there are options, good ones! It could be a baby with egg or sperm donors, a baby by surrogate, a baby rescued from foster care or an orphanage. Like I have said before, you don't have to physically birth a baby to be a mother. A baby can grow in your heart not just in your belly. I know Henry grew in mine before he was ever conceived. And just as they say it takes a village to raise a child, sometimes it takes one to create one too. We had so many fantastic nurses and doctors on our side helping us but I also had a few near and dear friends to my heart that had walked through this before we did and their information, support, kindness and understanding made our journey so much more bearable. They were just as important to me as the medical team we worked with. Our emotional health was just as drained as my physical health. I want to offer that same support to others. To make myself available to others who are silently struggling and let them know that their questions are more than welcome and my ear is always open to a good breakdown or vent session. It's okay to talk about it, it shouldn't have to be awkward or taboo to talk about. I told my husband long ago that if sharing our story could help one person than it would be more than worth it and we both feel so blessed to be able to use our hardship to help others in any way we know how. Taylor is also open to talking about infertility with the guys too, just a heads up, it's so different from their eyes. He knows how crazy clomid made me, how aweful and guilty I felt, how aweful and guilty he felt, how to best support me, how to best deal with me when I was taking medications and shots and getting several ultrasounds and blood draws each week. He knows how awkward testing for men is and how weird it is to sit in a waiting room full of women. He gets it and so do I. So, we are an open book! I don't know why God gave us the challenges he did trying to have a child and I will never know, but I feel deep in my heart that it was in large part to have us be available to others in need. So we RESOLVE to help others, to educate, to support, to love those who need it most and most importantly to be prayer warriors and hold out hope for those who can't hold onto it themselves. So happy national infertility awareness week, be aware of those around you who might be struggling and be aware of your options if you are too. 

Here are a few great articles from the RESOLVE.org website that I really loved reading and would be great to pass along!
http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html
http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/optimizing-fertility/
25 things to say and not say

And last but not least, speaking of infertility. I took Henry to see our Reproductive Endocrinologist (infertility doctor) Dr. Krieg. She asked me to bring our baby in when he was born at our last appointment with her which was back in August. At that appointment we saw Henry as a little blinking gummy bear with a perfect and strong heartbeat and it was then that we were cleared to move from our infertility office to a regular OB office. The nurses were fantastic to us and asked the same and I promised I would. These women work so hard to help create miracles and I'm sure they rarely get to actually see or hold the end result of all of that work. I wanted them to get some baby snuggles and meet Henry and to say thank you for him. I made blue cupcakes for them to celebrate Henry's birthday and brought them a birth announcement to add to their bulletin board in the hall with all the other success story baby announcements. I used to refuse to look at that board as I used to walk by during my appointments. Those should have brought me hope that these people can make miracles and LOTS of them but for some reason it just made me jealous and sad. Now we are part of that board though and it feels good to know we were successful with our battle with infertility. It's like a right of passage or something. A trophy in my mind.
Here are the cupcakes.

And here is Dr. Krieg with him. She was so excited to meet him and he was excited to meet her too despite his grouchy face here (he decided he was hungry). They all passed him around and took him to see all of the other doctors and nurses and sono and lab techs there that we worked with. It was so much fun to get to share him and such a proud momma moment for me! I will be forever grateful for these women and I plan to take them cupcakes each year for Henry's birthday to celebrate him because who doesn't love cupcakes and a thank you. Ugh I'm tearing up now, time to sign off.  But, YAY for success and for Dr. Krieg and for God for creating this miracle baby for us. YAY!

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String.....

....These are a few of my favorite things!!!!

Baby's have alot of accessories. Alot of them are necessary (or what we think are necessary in modern times) and alot of them are just fun or super convenient. I went into Babie's 'R Us the first time to register and had to leave half way through because I was so overwhelmed. I didn't want extra crap cluttering up my house that I didn't need or wouldn't use and I didn't know what were the best brands to get. I went back 3 more times to finish my registry before it was complete and just did my Target one online because I didn't want to deal with it in the store again. But after doing alot of homework and asking alot of fellow mommas I figured it out. I have made you all a little listeroo of the items I have been loving this first month for my little peanut. ( I have included the website where you can find things as the link).

#1- Boon Grass drying rack

This baby is heaven! I didn't think I would need a drying rack so soon because I didn't plan on pumping until Henry was a little bit older but due to him needing some supplementation at the beginning because he was a little sleepy and lazy I started pumping to give him milk easier and avoid formula. Thus I was washing my pumping parts and collection bottles ALOT! I hated leaving them on a clean dish towel on the counter to dry, it still just seemed kinda dirty so we got this (which I had my eye on for months). It's cute and super effective. It holds the peices off the counter, has a drip tray (the white part) and is dishwasher safe to clean out. Plus it has the different plant attachments to give you more space. See my little twig tree and flower? LOVE!!

#2- Medela Quick Clean Microwave Steam Bags

$4.99 for a 5 pack and you can use them up to 20 times each.

So after washing all my bottles, pump parts, and pacifiers I want to make sure they are extra clean and these are great for a germaphobe like me! You just put whatever baby stuff you want in it that is plastic and 2 oz of water and microwave for 2 minutes and it steams and heats those puppies up to make sure they're squeaky clean. LOVE these!

#3- Tommy Tippee Bottles

$21.99 for a 3 pack

I absolutely love these bottles. Remember how I said we supplemented for the first 10 days? Well I would pump and cup feed Henry with a special feeding cup to start so he didn't get messed up with his latch and breastfeeding and then I said screw it, this is messy and annoying and he chokes and spills it everywhere and this is liquid gold, I can't bear to watch it drip down his chin into his shirt and be wasted, something must be done. Thus, I let him have a bottle. I have done my homework and these are the reasons I like this one the best!

• Less peices to wash, it's the bottle and the cap. The end. (some bottles have like 5 parts)
• It's small and fits into my diaper bag if need be (and the website says it's to allow baby to be closer to me. Whatever you gotta tell yourself). It's little and that's convenient.
• They have a 5oz size and a 9 oz size for when he eats more
• The nipple is silicone and is super flexible and has a shape like the real deal to avoid "nipple confusion"
• It has a little vent to help with gassiness
• Henry loves them and has no issue going back and forth between me and this puppy which is good for when I go back to work.

#4- Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags

50 ct for $11.99

These are great! I actually had a friend give me her extra 2 boxes because she weaned her baby before she used them all up. They are plastic ziplock bags that have 2 separate ziplocks and you put your milk in it and freeze it. She also told me to lay them flat so that the frozen milk is thin and easily stacked up with other bags to save freezer space. I'm pumping about 1-2 times per day to save up a supply for when I go back to work for Taylor to give Henry bottles at night when I am gone. I will also pump when I am at work each night and have that available too for him but these are a great cheap way to save all the milk instead of having to buy tons of milk collection bottles. Those suckers are expensive and a waste of space. I just write the date it was pumped and how much is in it and then Taylor can thaw a bag or two depending on how much Henry will eat at the time and put it in the bottle to feed him.

#5- Carseat Cover

I paid $24.99 for this on Etsy but they come in all sorts of colors and cute fabrics and styles and the price varies based on that.

The one I have is cotton fabric on the outside and soft thick minky on the inside. This makes the cover thick and keeps sun, wind and rain (And snow I'm sure) out and baby warm inside and covered. For me it's a must have because it velcroes onto the carseat handle so it doesn't go anywhere. The first time I took Henry out by myself (the week after he was born for a weight check at the Dr.). Taylor was already back to work and of course it was raining. I was PISSED! I have never juggled the carseat (which was far heavier with him in it than I had planned) and his diaper bag and my keys, phone and such. I was nervous already, especially because my foot was still numb from my epidural so I was unsteady on my feet....and IT WAS RAINING! Why was it raining!? Of all days! Grrrr.

So I put a heavy blanket over his carseat to cover him like I have seen many a mother do and got out of the car, ran around to get him out and get my diaper bag out and lock the car door and as I was hauling his seat in with my limp in the pouring rain the blanket flew off his seat in the wind. It blew half way across the parking lot and I didn't know whether to hobble across the parking lot after it with Henry in his seat (you can't move fast with a numb, weak foot and a huge carseat with a new fragile baby in it) or set him back in the car since it was now raining all over him and try to run over to get it with him dry in the car and go back and get him, or just let the damn blanket go, cut my losses and run inside. UGH! Luckily as I was panicking and starting to cry in the rain, someone grabbed it off the ground and brought it to me. HORRIBLE. Bottom line, get the damn carseat cover and order it sooner than the week before your  baby is born so it's ready to go for those first outings just in case.

 

 Sidenote: I also love it to keep him covered when I'm in a store with him, helps keep germs out and dirty fingers and annoying onlookers and helps keep him calm because it's more dark and quiet in there when he is covered.

#6- Eddie Bauer Carseat head support

$11.99

See how my tiny monkey has his head bent and looks so uncomfortable? This is how he is in his carseat all the time, he hates his carseat for one but part of it is probably the fact that he is too weak to hold his little head up strait and it falls forward or to the side and he looks horribly uncomfortable. Thus, I broke the rules from the hospital (nothing in their carseat but what comes with it, for safety reasons) and bought this. It has been worth every penny. This one has a patented design and the ring around his head is completely mesh so he can breathe if he were to turn his head (but he can't really turn it in there anyway, just wiggle it alot from side to side but it's doing his job to support his head and neck at least until he gets a littles stronger. It's just for my peice of mind ok. Leave me alone if you don't think it's safe.

see, much better.

 

 

#7- Changing pad liners

 $15.99 for a 3 pack

I only have three but that is all I have needed. These things are amazing!!! I could kiss the person who thought of these. When I know a baby has a dirty diaper at work I put a burp cloth under them to save their bedding from getting gross just in case and it has saved me many a linen change but at home I thought I was going to have to do that as well. WRONG. Some genius made these waterproof liners to lay on the changing pad over the cute cover to save you from poop and pee laundry from diaper changes, I can just swap these out if they get dirty and put a new one on! Yay!

 #8- Aden and Anais Swaddle Blankets

$30-40 for a pack of 3 or 4 (I have seen them different prices at different places)

These really are all that they are cracked up to be. I have heard they are the cats pajamas, if you will, but they turned out to be pretty worth the money. They are HUGE which is great for swaddling as baby gets bigger and if it kicks and punches to try to hulk out of the said swaddle that your kid might hate, like mine does, it makes it harder to escape. Henry thinks hes hates to be swaddled. He does hate it when he is awake, he likes his hands and legs free to move around and kick. But, he needs it when he sleeps so I just swaddle his arms down so he doesn't move them in his sleep and jolt himself awake and I then leave the bottom undone to let him kick and stretch out. Sometimes he likes his legs tucked up and other times he likes them strait out so this allows for that. They are muslin and kinda stretchy. They are also THIN so he doesn't get too hot in his jammies and he is swaddled up too. Fantastic!

 

 #9- Fisher Price  My little Snug-a Bunny Swing

$139.99. It's worth it (mine was a gift but wait and use a 20% off coupon)

This swing is fantastic. It's off the floor a ways so it helps with Cora messing with him because she is kinda scared of it when it's on. It's got a great seat that lays him correctly (our little travel floor swing I bought from a friend has a weird angled seat and it folds him in half and he hates it). This one lets him lay fairly flat and as he gets bigger you can incline the seat. It has an AC adapter so you don't burn through batteries. It's cushy! It can swing side to side or you can turn the seat and it will go back to front. It has several speeds, sounds and a mirror over the top of him with a mobile that turns that he LOVES to look at. It's awesome, he stays in it and just hangs out when I get stuff done and he will sleep in it too.

 

#10- Loving Moments Nursing Tank Top

 

$15.99 for one (waaaaaay cheaper than the $40 fancy ones I hate)

This nursing tank is FAR better than any others that I own and it was the cheapest one! This one is from Walmart, on a whim I looked for ones there that were less expensive than the $30+ ones I had seen at Babie's 'R Us and maternity stores. These are super supportive with thick straps like a sports bra almost and they have the babydoll style tummy in them which is good for me because after a baby your stomach is not your most proud asset and this hides it well. They are comfortable to sleep in and I don't feel like I need a nursing bra with it. Hurray for afforable, cute, comfortable nursing tanks. Hurray!

 

#11 Arm and Hammer Dirty Diaper Baggies

$3.41 and worth every last penny.

This little gem is a diaper baggie dispenser. Think dog poo bags that strap onto your leash...same thing....for humans...wait. what? Anyway, It's small and it clips onto the strap on the inside of my diaper bag so I never have to look for it and it makes me feel polite when I am in public and have a diaper to get rid of. The other benefit is that I can put the dirty diaper wrapped in this puppy back into my diaper bag and know it's not going to get anything gross if there is no trash available to me at the time.

 

#12 Diaper Genie 

$29.99 at walmart

Another genius invention. Most people think it's unneccessary and it is, but I love it. I've had people tell me they just put dirty diapers in a walmart sack, tied up and take it to the trash in the garage. I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me. I am lazy and I don't make trips to the garage in the middle of the night, thanks but no thanks. I'll use this. It makes Henry's room smell lovely like clean baby laundry and Baby lotion and not breastmilk poops. Which don't smell that bad.....yet. Get one. You will love it. Can we talk about how I thoroughly enjoy that in the picture the diapers in the collection area of the genie are labeled "Hell Sausage" BAHAHA! I had to look twice. Someone has a sense of humor.

 

#13- Graco FastAction Fold N Go Click Connect Travel System

 

$329.99 at Babie's R Us

 

This gem is our travel system that I am obsessed with. I don't run, don't get it twisted and I want to pretend like someday I will jog but who are we kidding here. I really just wanted a nice stroller that could turn easier than an aircraft carrier at sea like most other strollers and had a thinner profile so I don't take out small children and racks of clothing in a store. I wanted one that was light weight, easy to push, easy to fold up (since we realize now I have no upper body strength) and worked well in the mall or on a sidewalk or whatever path I chose for it. This is the winner! The manager at Babie's R Us talked me off my anxiety ledge as I was in the carseat/stroller area crying and rocking in the corner  errr, shaking my head in sheer disbelief of the choices and where to start. I can stand in my living room, on carpet,  and take one hand and spin this thing on a dime with no effort at all. Literally spin it in a circle without it moving out of it's spot, not drive it in a circle, twist my wrist and spin it in a circle. Amazeballs! And the carseat clicks into the stroller with ease, comes out by pulling a small lever once and the whole dang thing folds up with one hand by pulling on a strap in the seat. It's fancy Nancy, and Heaven I tell you. Heaven. Aaaaand if you are cheap smart like me, you wait until Babie's R Us has their great trade in event (happens twice a year, watch your emails) and you buy a peice of crap bouncy seat or swing or something for $5 at a garage sale like I did and "trade" it in for a 25% off coupon, wait until the system goes on sale anyway and add it to that price, trade in extras of things you got from baby showers and christmas gifts and get your store credit and tack on a $50 giftcard from Christmas and Whallaa. Free stroller. Ok I paid $7 but you get the idea.

 

#13- Medela Hydrogel Soothing Nipple Pads

$14.99 for 4 of them. Do it.

Call I get a "Hell Yeah" and a splash of Halleluah and maybe an amen! Breastfeeding sucks to start, (read my earlier posts about it) and it makes your nipples SORE. These puppies provide instant relief. Cool and soothing and stick to you and protect you from rubbing against your shirt or nursing bra. Not much more need to be said except these are like a hug for your boobies. You will need one, trust me.

 

 #14 PACIFIERS

 

$3.99 for 2

We can't live without these pacifiers, we would go insane. Sometimes all this munchkin wants is to suck and I was the thing he would suck on to start and that started to hurt, thus I begged the nurses in mother/baby for a pacifier to give myself a break from the pain of him nursing constantly even when he wasn't hungry. They don't stock them on their unit anymore because of "nipple confusion" and feeling that it hinders breastfeeding. I don't beleive in nipple confusion at all because I have seen hundreds of babies go from only using a pacifer in the NICU to being exclusive breastfeeders AND using pacifiers by the time they go home. If a preemie can do it, my kid can do it. I do beleive in flow confusion however, where the baby has to work alot harder to get milk out of the breast than out of a bottle and then starts to not want to work that hard to breastfeed and will only bottle feed out of sheer laziness (babies are SMART)  BUT that is different. So I begged for a pacifier and Henry has been just fine ever since. He exclusively breastfeeds and loves his pacifer too and if it helps keep him from using his fingers/ thumb to sooth himself I am good because I can take a pacifier away when he is older, I can't take his hand. Or can I.....? Muahaha.

 Just kidding, that was gross.

 

 

 

So basically these are the things I can't live without, or don't want to live without. And I have come to terms with how babies aren't expensive, it's momma's taste that is. People raised children with far less but I say why not enjoy their childhood a little more with some fun products.  I also did all this on a budget, asked for these items on my registry and paid smart with coupons, sales, gift cards and some smart shopping online for the rest and here we are. Happy Shopping!

 

 

 



Henry's 1st month

Henry's first month. 

 The giraffe is the same giraffe that we got at our trip to the zoo in Arkansas with Erika when I was 15 weeks pregnant. I wanted to have a stuffed animal next to him each month so we can see how big he is getting compared to it.

Weight: 10 pounds 2 ounces, a gain of 2 pounds in 2.5weeks. I would say he is doing pretty well with eating. He is in the 55th percentile for weight.
Length: 22 inches. This is the 75th percentile and a gain of 1.5 inches in his first month.  (his head is 15.25 inches around and that is 90th percentile. He is definitely his father's son. )
Clothes: The munchkin started in newborn clothes that fit in length and were baggy around. Now he is way too long for newborn clothing even though they fit around him. His footie pajamas are too short and his toes get scrunched in the feet and his pants and outfits without feet in them look like flood waters. Poor guy. He is now in his 0-3 mo size stuff. 

Likes: His favorite things are eating, being rocked in the rocking chair, being naked, laying on his belly on our chests, and staring at lights and the fan and BATHS!!! He loves his baths, he hangs out in them so happy and kicks his little feet in the water. He loves his hair being washed and snuggling with Daddy in his towel afterward. He likes loud noises. He slept through the entire Easter church service filled with loud worship band and organ music, singing, clapping, talking etc. 

Dislikes: He does NOT like his car seat. He screams every time we put him in it and most of the time in the car until he finally gives up and passes out. He screams at red lights or when we stop too. He hates having dirty pants and being gassy. 

Sleeping: He sleeps in his bassinet next to our bed 4-5 hours at a time at night now for the most part. Sometimes he will do a 5 hour stretch then a 3 hour or vise versa. Some nights suck and he sleeps for 2 hour blocks, but most of the time he does well and I can't complain. He takes naps in the day quite a bit too. Yay Henry!

Eating: Homeboy loves to eat! He eats every 2 hours on the dot now during the day (every 4-5 for the most part at night). He cluster feeds before bed and eats almost every hour from 6-10ish in the evening. He spits up quite a bit and is a terrible burper. He cries every time we try to burp him but we get them out of him and then he is happy.  

Playing: He is much more alert during the day now than when he was first born. It's been so much fun because we get more opportunities to interact with him. He has several hour blocks in between naps where he is awake during the day. He looks around and plays with his hands (although I don't think he knows what he is doing). He lays on his "tummy time" play mat and usually screams when he is on his belly but he does great on his back looking at himself in the mirror above him and the toys overhead. He does his best tummy time work on our chest using his arms to push himself up and he is getting pretty strong. He also loves his swings and his stroller for walks. 

Other Milestones: We celebrated his first Easter and his first time at church. It was a blast to start traditions with him like taking him to the Easter Bunny for pictures.

Henry's 1st Holiday.... Easter!

I grew up with a mom that worked at Hallmark for the majority of my childhood. That means that she had access to lots of party gear, decorations and discounts for things from the Hallmark store like Christmas ornaments. This only helped fuel her fire for holidays. She LOVES them and she goes all out. Traditions are the name of her game and every single holiday was filled with them. She had decorations at our house for holidays like Valentines day, Birthdays, Halloween etc. It made our childhood magical to have fun decorations around and do fun things to celebrate each one. Easter was filled with traditions most people celebrate such as dying eggs, eating candy, the Easter bunny, Sunday morning church in fancy dresses and plastic white Easter hats and shiny white mary jane shoes with white tights, Easter baskets filled with treats and plastic colorful eggs and Easter grass. One year she got us 2 ducklings to raise and another year she got us a bunny. All out I tell you! All out. She wanted to make sure our childhood was memorable and fun for us and holidays are the perfect outlet.

With a newborn baby at home you can imagine that we are very tired and just working on getting the hang of this new parent thing. As Easter approached I started seeing my friend's kids on facebook with the Easter Bunny. Oh shit! I forgot I have a baby now and just because he is little doesn't mean that we get to skip a holiday. The traditions start now. I have pictures of me at my first Easter and first Christmas and it is so fun to see how I changed each year and to remember the fun my mom made for me. So I had to find an Easter Bunny, an outfit and things to fill a basket. This is Henry's Easter outfit, he hated his bowtie the poor little guy but it was hilarious and so cute on him.

We took him to see the bunny at Bass Pro because you get a free picture (cheap I know but I am not paying $21 minimum to take him to Oak Park Mall, that is ridiculous). This is the picture Taylor got with his phone until I take the time to scan the real one in.

Henry's first trip to Target was to get him some things for his Easter basket. I got some plastic colorful eggs, candy (that happens to be mommy and daddy's favorite). A few Easter books (The story of Easter and Peter Rabbit), a toy car, a ball, a duckling rattle that says "My first Easter", a baby stuffed bunny, some bunny ears and some teething keys. How much stuff does a newborn need for Easter? I'm not sure but I wanted it to be fun for us to look back at later.

Here is Henry's Basket

And him in his Easter outfit next to his basket that is bigger than he is. 

We spent the weekend mostly with my family. My sister was in town from college and Taylor's parents don't do much for Easter typically.

Erika brought home her friend from school that is a foreign exchange student from Korea. Her name is Jerry (like Tom and Jerry she said) and Erika invited her home with her because she obviously has no family in the U.S. and everyone else went home from school for the weekend and she didn't want Jerry to be alone. Plus she thought it would be fun to celebrate Easter with her.

Here are the girls with Henry and Kasey. 

Erika holding Kasey. and below Taylor holding Cora. 

 Taylor holds Cora like this on a nightly basis. They usually fall asleep together like that.

We dyed eggs like we usually do. We had 12 colors this year which was fun to make so many different shades. We taught Jerry (and sleeping Henry) about Easter and the bunny and why we dye eggs.

Jerry made prettier eggs than Erika and myself and this was her first time....emmmbarassing. This is the Korean flag and Erika's name in Korean.

I made the zebra and Henry eggs

Henry slept the whole time on Papa's lap.

This is Henry's KSU polo that grandma Smith got him. So cute!! Even with his little old man jeans with the elastic waist. I think he looks like a grandpa here with his receding hairline, his polo and his jeans. I could just eat him up.

 Sunday morning we got up and got donuts and went to church as a family for the first time.

Henry slept through the entire service, I was shocked because our worship band and the organ that played were really really loud, plus people clapped and we listened to the sermon. He could care less.

 Our first family holiday.

My mom got Henry an easter basket too. It had a different version of The story of Easter, mommy and daddy's favorite candy, new shoes, new baby sunglasses, a window shade, some diaper baggies for stinky diapers and a stuffed ducky that says "Baby's 1st Easter".

Henry wasn't the only one who got a basket, my mom got them for me, Taylor, Jerry, Erika and Henry. All out.

Henry sportin his new shades.

Checkin out his pretty AuntE.

Giving the peace sign for his picture like Jerry taught him. He did this on his own.

YUM!

G.G. (great grandma) snuggling her new baby!

Overall his first Easter was so much fun! We had a blast and I hope Henry can have these pictures and memories forever and that we can only continue to celebrate in fun ways to make his childhood special. Happy Easter Henry! 

Let's talk about learnin' shall we?

Since most of my friends are teachers and nurses and learnin' is their job, let's talk a little bit about it mmmk? Soooo where to start. Well as we all know I am a first time mom. But this is not my first rodeo taking care of newborn babies, afterall I do it for a living. I'm a baby wisperer... no?

Well the first thing I learned in this journey called motherhood is that I am the baby's mother this time, not the baby's nurse. My baby is not sick. My baby does not have a set schedule every 3 hours on the dot, my baby does not have a large sliding glass door to shut when he cries too loud or to keep his room quiet to help him sleep, my baby does not have ready made bottles to feed him or another person to do it for me, my baby does not let me clock out, my baby does not have a restricted visitor list, my baby does not have a monitor to detect drops in heart rate or oxygen level if he has his head turned into his blanket or he chokes on his spit up, my baby is not a NICU baby. My baby is not sick. WHICH IS SCARY AS SHIT! I am so so so thankful he is healthy, but I am really adjusting to this whole healthy baby, eats when he cries, gets held non-stop, has my undivided attention, can snuggle all the live long day, but no sleeping if Henry doesn't sleep, I get to keep him kinda thing. It's a huge switch in the type of newborn care I am used to. I don't report every spit up to a doctor or nurse practitioner, I don't weigh and chart his every diaper and I don't have alot of answers. I am learning ALOT! Yes I can swaddle a babe like no one's business (but turns out my kid hates to be swaddled) and yes I can spot symptoms of oncoming illness at the earliest sign (but he isn't sick) and yes I can get a sluggish sleepy preemie baby with an oral aversion to eat a bottle with ease (but my baby is full term and breastfeeds like a champ).
I am remembering that my baby doesn't have massive temperature instability and doesn't need a hat and socks and a onesie underneath his sleeper and to be wrapped up tight in two blankets to stay warm (he got sweaty and mad) . I am remembering that he doesn't need me to slow him down when he eats because he has the "suck, swallow, breathe" thing down. I am remembering that this tiny munchkin is much more capable than I give him credit for.

The next thing I learned is that breastfeeding is alot more painful than I ever could have imagined. They always say "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong". Well that is a load of crap. Kind of. While pain can be a sign that the baby isn't latched on correctly it can also be caused by many other things. In our case Henry has always been a great eater, he latches really well, latches quickly and stays latched until I make him stop, in most cases. That being said I was in excruciating pain the first week of breastfeeding. I have heard that you have to let your nipples toughen up but this was toe curling pain. I didn't know pain could actually make your toes curl and even in labor with horrible back labor I wasn't curling my toes. This felt like a hot knife, stinging, burning pain with blisters and cracks and just all around raw and you have to do it for 30-45 minutes every 2 hours so there is no relief or time for healing. YOUCH! The cause,.....the kid has a high upper palate and it was causing alot of tugging and compression that normally doesn't exist with kiddos that have a normal palate. WOW! I got lots of help from lactation specialists and an ointment with an antibiotic, antifungal and a steroid to help them heal and we have never looked back since.....wait...until Mastitis. The cracks and blisters can allow bacteria to get in from your precious little baby's mouth and cause mastitis. It's basically an infection in the breast that feels like the flu without the GI symptoms, you just feel like you got hit by a Mack truck with aches, pains, chills, fatigue, high fever and horribly sore boobs (all super fun with a week old baby to care for round the clock). A week of antibiotics and THEN we never looked back. My advice.....keep getting help, as much as you can. There are incredible resources around to help you, trust lactation specialists and don't be shy about feeding in front of them, they need to see whats going on when the baby eats to help (even if your husband is embarrassed that someone is seeing you topless for the umpteenth time) and KEEP GOING!!! I ended up working with 5 different mother/baby nurses, 4 different lactation specialists, the newborn nurse at my pediatrician's office and the breastfeeding support group of other mothers that my pediatrician's office offers bi-monthly. I was absolutely determined to exclusively breast feed and come hell or high water it was going to happen. My kid wanted to, I wanted to and there was nothing that was going to stop us and now...we are doing it! KEEP GOING!

The next thing I learned is that you HAVE to keep acting human. It's really easy to stay in bed all day because you are tired and not shower and not want to be human. It was crucial for me the first few weeks (and even now) to get out of bed, put the baby down after a feed and let him nap in his swing next to the shower in the bathroom and take a HOT long shower. I needed to feel clean, being covered in milk and sweat from the fantastic hormonal night sweats you get after having a baby (that noone tells you about) and just feeling tired and gross makes you feel worse. I need to brush and do my hair (or at least feel that it is clean in it's "mommy ponytail"), put my makeup on (or at least some mascara) and get dressed (in clean sweats and a clean nursing tank top) has been so important for me. I'm exhausted but I at least feel a little bit better while I'm trying to fight the exhaustion, postpartum hormones and "baby blues".

Speaking of which, I've had some baby blues. I am learning that it's normal and that there is a difference from the kind of postpartum depression where you drown your baby in the bathtub that everyone scares the shit out of you with and just being weepy and hormonal. Apparently 80% of women get the baby blues and that is normal. It's a few week period where your hormones are on a roller coaster, mixed with new mommy exhaustion, anxiety about keeping your baby alive and healthy with just your boobs, anxiety in general, pressure to be the perfect new mom and stay at home wife, seeing tons of visitors, trying to get rest and just feeling like you need to cry for no reason. I have cried more in these few weeks since Henry has been here than my entire pregnancy. Being a new mommy is stressful and I didn't realize how much and why. Alot of the time I just look at my baby and start to tear up, in a good way, because I can't believe he is mine. It's been a really really hard reality for me that after all our efforts to get pregnant that we actually have a baby now and that we actually get to keep him and that he is healthy and doing well. I'm sure people feel that way even without going through infertility, but it's hittin' me hard. I'm trying to be perfect and have dinner made and the house clean and the laundry done and make sure my baby is healthy and happy and it took it's toll. I learned the hard way to settle down and enjoy the stillness. I am a go-getter and I have a hard time sitting around. I am learning that it is ok to sit and snuggle my tiny baby and that he will only stay this tiny and snuggly for so long. I am learning to try to relax because he is getting fat and getting long and growing out of his newborn clothes and diapers before my eyes. I know he is doing well but I am still worried about him. I am learning to adjust to our new life with a baby.

I also learned that Henry's car seat fits into the Target, Sams club and Walmart cart but does not fit in the freaking Hobby Lobby cart. SOOO disappointed hob-lob. So disappointed.

I have learned that I can get the stroller out of the car by myself, put Henry's car seat into it and push it into a store with double doors that I have to open myself and push my stroller through.

I have learned that you get really embarrassed when your kid SCREAMS in the check out line at Target because he decided in 4.2 seconds that he needs to eat NOW!

I have learned he hates red lights and his car seat in general, but that Phil Collins, George Strait and K-love radio station make it better.

I have learned that I can reach behind me and feel for his mouth in his rear facing car seat and pop a pacifier in it to shush him in said car rides from hell.

I have learned that I needed a smaller skinnier wallet than my huge one and to downsize my key chain so that when I put them next to him in his car seat so I can have both hands free to shut the car door and hold his car seat they don't take up too much room.

I have learned that I need some serious upper body strength.....my arms are sooo weak!

But most importantly I have learned what true love is. I am just amazed at how I feel about this baby that has only been in my life for 4 weeks. I love my husband more than words can ever express. We have a friendship, trust and love like I never thought would be possible. We make a great team and we have fun at the same time. He is my rock and my absolutely support system and I think he's pretty hot. But that's a romantic type of love and bond and friendship. With Henry its a primal type of love. An instant need to protect and care for and nurture and love this little being from the second he was born. I look over at him multiple times in the night just to make sure he looks peaceful and he is comfortable and still wrapped in his blanket and breathing ok. I constantly wonder if I am being a good enough mom, if he is getting enough milk, feels loved enough, gets enough attention etc. I know the answer but its something out of my control to NEED to know he is the best he can be because of my love and care and to make sure I am doing everything in my power to make his life perfect. That has been the biggest learning curve of all. I just can't get enough of the little guy. I had no idea and could have never prepared myself despite all of the mommas telling me, that this was coming. It's the best feeling in the world.

I  have learned I LOVE BEING A MOM.

Time flies when you are havin' fun!

Holy COW!!! Time is flying, it needs to slow the heck down. Henry will be 4 weeks old this thursday and that is just blowing my mind. In a way it feels like a long time since we were in the hospital waiting for him to come and then at the same time it feels like seconds have passed since we brought him home. He has his 1 month Dr. appointment next week and that means I only have 8 more weeks off work. Thank God for a great maternity leave program at work. Honestly I can't imagine going back to work in 2 weeks (I am spoiled I know, most women go back at 6 weeks or sometimes 8 but rarely 12 weeks like I get. Don't worry I am incredibly grateful!). I just don't want it to end!!

My days with Henry are spent snuggling, taking naps, nursing, changing diapers, playing on the tummy time mat or in the swing or in the boppy or on my lap, rocking in his big rocker and reading books. Then, I pick up the house and have made dinner every night but other than that we watch alot of TV and just hang out together, it's pure heaven! Can't beat snuggling a sweet new baby.

Henry is really laid back, he just hangs out or snuggles me. He doesn't mind just laying on his back or in his boppy or swing and looking around while I get things done. He only gets bossy when it comes to his milk. The kid LOVES to eat. Thank God. I was honestly much more worried about having trouble feeding him than I was about pushing him out. But seriously, He goes from zero to sixty in no time when he wants to eat. He will be "sound asleep" and just start screaming bloody murder when it's time (just like his daddy. Wait. What?) And he gets a little grumpy when he has dirty pants (also like his daddy. jk jk) But he does look just like him. It's kind of creepy but also super cute.

His favorite way to snuggle is upright on our chest. He tucks his little hands and feet in and makes himself into a tiny ball (or as my mom calls him, a tree frog). Of course we are on picture overload lately so I will post a bunch of them for you to see! I gotta say I know that I am biased but I think he is pretty dang adorable :)

Twins with daddy! Taylor on the left, Henry on the right.

He looks a little like mommy too.

 He loves his bath, he falls asleep in it every time.

Cora always needs to help and make sure her baby is ok.

We took Henry to my grandmother's house and this was his handsome little outfit he wore.

 Screaming into his tummy time mat. He likes being on his back more. Sorry buddy

 Poor guy and his newborn rash. It's gone now thank god!

 We took him to my NICU patient reunion at work where all of the babies who spent time in the NICU are invited to come back and visit their nurses and doctors and speech/occupational/ respiratory therapists and show off how big and strong and healthy they are. It's so much fun for us nurses to see how well these kiddos are growing and get to visit with their parents again. We get close to their families and we really miss them when they go home. Taylor came with me to help out with Henry (I would have been shot dead if I showed up without my new baby at a work function). All the nurses were excited to see him and a few held him and snuggled on him. It was so much fun. Taylor's highlight was seeing slugger and taking a picture with him and Henry.

 Then we went to Nana and Papa's house to say hi afterward and get some more snuggles in.

The nugget HATES his carseat! HATES IT!

We went to Nana and Papa's again on sunday to go to their master tournament golf watch party. Henry had to look the part. How cute are these pants?! and the tie is way too big but it's pretty dang cute. 

More snuggles.

I think from here on out I will post big events or special things we do and Henry's monthly updates so I can keep this as his little journal and memory book. Keep reading!!