17 weeks- PICTURE POST

This week is our 2 year wedding anniversary! October 15th, it's so hard to believe 2 years ago we were getting ready for and celebrating one of the best day's of our lives. ( Second best has to be finding out this baby was ok at our sono last week.) Taylor is such an amazing husband and father already. He let me sleep in Sunday and went to Starbucks and got me a fresh caramel apple cider (you know because of my addiction for apples lately) and some Halloween sprinkle donuts and brought them to me in bed. What a great guy. He never runs out of nice things to say and romantic or kind things to do. I am so blessed to have such a strong supportive man in my life who will be an incredible example to our kids. I love you so much babe, I could have never gotten through these last two years without you and I am so glad our struggles have only made us stronger. You're the best!!

Here is a little photo montage of some of my favorite pics from our wedding to celebrate this week.

Sorry this one is blurry^^

For our anniversary we had a fantastic day! It was GORGEOUS outside just like our wedding day. We went to Nebraska furniture mart and found a crib we like for a boy and one we like for a girl. I am sooo excited to buy them, well to order them not necessarily pay for them lol. Then we thought it would be fun to go spend $10 at the penny slots at the new casino just because we have never done that. Turns out at the Hollywood when you "open" a user card they add $5 to it for you, we played for about 30 minutes and won and lost but then the smoke got to me and I got really nauseated so we just played out money out vs. cashing out $1.50 or whatever we were at at the time and left. We also went to Carter's and got a few precious outfits that were on sale. I will just return the onesie set for whichever gender we don't have.

I'm obsessed with this bear outfit, it's so incredibly soft and it's staying boy or girl.

 

 After the legends we went back toward home, got a snack and picked up a few pumpkins, one for each of us to carve and one for the baby :)

 We carved them while drinking caramel apple cider and watching hocus pocus and then I roasted the seeds.

Love this goofy man!

MMMMMmmm seeds!

 My pumpkin, I went tried and true this year.

The pumpkin is hiding the bump which was in full force that day and really funny to see in a freakin casino.

 

After that we got all dolled up and went out to eat at J. Alexander's and had an amazing steak dinner. Of course baby made me nauseous through that but I didn't get sick and I actually enjoyed my meal toward the end. All in all it was a perfect day.

Momma with her new shoes, new amazing fall rug and the bump!

 

 

This week I also felt the baby move for the first time!! EEK!! I was napping in between my wed and thur night shifts and I woke up at 1pm to go to the bathroom (a daily occurance as of now) and when I laid back down and was getting ready to try to fall back to sleep for a few more hours I just casually rested my hand on my tummy and "POP". It felt like a piece of popcorn popping or a little flick from the inside or kinda like a really tiny muscle twitch, but I have zero doubt in my mind that's what I felt. So I laid there a little while longer and felt it again in the same spot and then couldn't feel it anymore but it was a little "hey momma! I'm in here!" and of course I cried a little happy tears, it was amazing to realize that this little nugget is really inside me, THAT I AM GROWING A HUMAN! CRAZY!!!!

And tomorrow we hopefully find out if the baby is a boy or a girl and I can  NOT wait. I just want baby to cooperate for a few minutes so that we can see the goods and then baby can go back to being ornery.

 

Chalkboard time

 

How far along? 17 weeks, baby is the size of an Orange.
Total weight gain: Gained back 2 pounds this week. Total of 16 pounds lost.

Maternity clothes? I have two weddings coming up and I had the HARDEST time finding a maternity (or bump accommodating dress) to wear that was fall appropriate. But, finally success! It's not even maternity lol.

Sleep: I have been wide awake at night sometimes and wanna sleep during the day. Night shift is messing with me I think.

Best moment this week: Finding out baby is healthy and doing well and feeling the baby move!

Miss Anything? being able to sleep without having to get up to pee.

Movement: YES!!! and now I am the laziest person on the planet because I just lay around trying to feel it.
Food cravings: Still apples with caramel dip or just by themselves, I can't get enough lately. Guacamole and avacados, hot glazed donuts with an ice cold glass of milk. (these are from last week but still apply....mmmmmmmmmm) pumpkin seeds and comfort food like mac and cheese.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I made jumbalaya the other night and it made me sick after eating it. Not sure if it was the spice overload or the greasy sausage but either way, baby was NOT happy.

Gender: We will HOPEFULLY find out October 19th. YAY!! (if baby cooperates)

Symptoms: weird dreams, belly growing, stuffy nose, foggy brain, round ligament pain....that shit hurts!! YOUCH! It feels like a rubber band snapping you out of nowhere.

Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on....and loose.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Still crying at the drop of a hat, TV commercials, news stories, nice things people say, a baby delivery the other day (as If I haven't seen hundreds before) but SOOOOO HAPPY our baby is healthy and ok.

Looking forward to: finding out if this nugget is a boy or girl and SHOPPING! I have found sooo many cute things that I have to have but can't get until I know for sure.

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness

October 15th (which is our anniversary) is infant and pregnancy loss awareness day. The entire month of October is awareness month as well but specifically that day. Taylor and I have never had the horrid experience of losing a baby in utero or out but I know many many people that have lost littles and my heart just aches for them. Feeling the already intense amount of love I have for my baby and already knowing a little bit of its personality just makes me nauseated to think of losing it. God forbid this happens to us or anyone else we know but if it has or does in the future I pray that those families find peace and healing and future blessings. I have learned so much in the past 2 years trying to have a little of our own about the importance of life and how precious it is. You learn not to take these things for granted, life is short, sometimes too short and it's so unfair and sometimes god has plans for us and timing for us that doesn't make sense to us and that definitely doesnt ease the hurt but it makes things have a reason and sometimes a reason for things we don't understand is comforting. Maybe we weren't meant to be pregnant 2 years ago when WE wanted for a reason. God had a plan for us and I hate to think that not giving us a child was his plan and watching us hurt for that long was his plan but just like us, our lives have a direction and a purpose and sometimes God knows and not us. Sometimes littles need to be guardian angels for their siblings or their parents. We will never know most of the time WHY things happen but we can keep those who struggle in our hearts and our thoughts and our prayers and love them with everything we have. Struggle brings people together and lets them know others care and love them. I use struggle as a way to love on people I care about. To support them. To show them I love them and that they are in my mind and heart. I never want anyone to struggle but if they do I want them to know they are loved. And so to those who are privately or publically stuggling with loss, you are in my heart. I pray for you daily, for healing and for peace and for your guardian angel that is watching down.

16 weeks

My cousin Rachel got engaged! Actually a few weeks ago but things are really starting to get moving on the wedding planning process. She and her fiancé, Marcus, are getting married this fall. November 10th in fact which means that we have a large family function coming and that makes my heart happy. I LOVE when my family comes together for a function, especially to support another family member. I have the best family in the world that is full of unconditional love and plenty of hugs and laughter and it's so awesome to get to be around them. The last 4 years we have had annual weddings where we all get to be together and this year was missing something for us....until now! So thanks Rachel for giving us a good excuse to get together and celebrate you and Marcus. We are excited!

Erika came home this past weekend to surprise my parents, she was only home a short time but we got to spend some time together which was good. Other than that I am just trying to get ready for a friend's wedding we have in 3 weeks in Wichita and Rachel's in 5 weeks. I need a bump accommodating dress, harder to find a cute fall-ish dress that is bump accommodating than I thought, but honestly I haven't looked that hard yet.

In other news, I closed my Etsy shop this week. I will still do custom orders of stuff for friends frequently so all of you readers don't be sad. I still love to paint and do crafts but the mandatory thing with deadlines and bossy customers is overrated. These people who want a hand painted baby onesie in a certain size, delivered to their door in 2 days without paying extra shipping and acting like I have nothing better to do in my life than drop everything and accommodate their baby wardrobe needs can take a hike. I am over it. Etsy shoppers primarily are wealthy stay at home mom's who want cute hand made and artsy items for a last minute gift, their kids, themselves and their houses who don't have the ability to craft it themselves. Which is great but I have a full time job and a dog and a husband and I am pregnant so if I put on my shop that I will have your order to you in 1-2 weeks that does not mean I am LATE getting the item to you if it's been 4 days since you placed it. It's just gotten to be too much stress and trouble and time out of my life to make it worth the money.

And most importantly...BABY/MOMMA UPDATE! I have only gotten sick TWICE in 14 days and I have not been on my anti-nausea medication in about that long as well. My doctor was thrilled about the news tue but said now I need to start gaining weight, so I have started tracking what I eat and the calories to try to hit my goal each day, I still don't have a big appetite at all and I crave healthy stuff most of the time (except the donuts I had to have tonight at 10pm that we went and got)lol. Baby is very active (the doctor had to "chase" it around my belly with the dopple to catch it long enough to get the heartrate. Which was 156 by the way. Otherwise I am healthy and baby is doing good and our next sonogram is Saturday to find out the gender, then we have one November 5th (at 20 weeks) to check out all of the anatomy again and make sure baby still looks good.

CHALKBOARD TIME

 My belly doesn't look that big in my chiefs jersey but I had to wear it today to cheer on my team! 6-0 baby!

These are the votes....so far on whether people think it's a boy or girl.

 

 

How far along? 16 weeks, baby is the size of a Avacado...mmmmm....guacamole....mmmm
Total weight gain: Lost two pounds this week, even though I haven't been sick which is weird. 18 pounds down total.

Maternity clothes? I have been wearing my maternity jeans that I got and trying to show off the bump, which is just weird bc it's the first time I have even been proud of my stomach. But I guess a little nugget in there will do that to ya.   

Sleep: I have been wide awake at night sometimes and wanna sleep during the day. Night shift is messing with me I think.

Best moment this week: Getting to find out who all is coming to visit in a few short weeks for the wedding.

Miss Anything? Not really honestly. Wine I guess

Movement: Nothing yet, I sit around sometimes and just wait but nothing.
Food cravings: Still apples with caramel dip or just by themselves, I can't get enough lately. Guacamole and avacados, hot glazed donuts with an ice cold glass of milk.

Anything making you queasy or sick: meat still bothers me but I haven't gotten sick from it lately, I haven't really gotten sick at all lately....knock on wood.

Gender: We will find out October 19th. YAY!!

Symptoms: weird dreams, belly growing, stuffy nose, foggy brain...I can't think strait! Has anyone else ever had this? I hear a lot about "pregnancy brain" but I just had no idea how bad it can be. I hate to use that as a cop-out but I think it's real. I used to be soooo organized, I had my entire day and even week planned out in my head. I had a plan for everything and a schedule and a routine and now I feel like I wander around aimlessly and can't figure out what I was doing or where I was going. I opened a bottle of water the other night and almost poured it into my hand? WHAT THE HECK!!! Thinking it was lotion? IDK but very scary for me.

Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on....and loose.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been very moody this week. Taylor asked me to be better about making sure Cora has fresh water each time I feed her (every evening) and I just burst into tears. Ridiculous, Sorry Tay!

Looking forward to: The weather staying cool, My belly to get bigger and finding out what we are having and all our family coming into town.

And just because she is adorable, I snapped one of Cora this week too. She has been such a sweetheart this week, she knows momma needed some lovin.

Pregnancy lesson #2

It is absolutely dumb founding to me how much you learn being a pregnant woman. There are all these things that you have no idea had any importance, like no bleu cheese (I'm havin a hard time with this one for sure) and no jumping on trampolines, jk I knew that one. But seriously, there are all these ultrasounds and screening tests and blood work and syndromes and diseases and problems. It is SCARY AS SHIT! Pardon my French but it's necessary in this sense ok.

Bare with me, this is confusing!!

For instance, they did our Nuchal Translucency test for chromosomal abnormalities (which you can read about here). That is the 1st trimester screening test.  A second trimester screening test is called a quad screen. It's a blood draw test that measures something called AFP or alpha fetoprotein. It's a protein secreted by the baby usually or the placenta and that is in turn shown in the mother's blood. If this is elevated it means you are at a higher risk for the baby to have "open" birth defects like spina bifida and other open neural tube defects or other openings in the baby's body for different reasons and that causes the secretion of protein into the amniotic fluid.

We had this test drawn on Tuesday at my 16 week appointment and Wednesday night I got a personal phone call from my doctor, after hours,  as I was getting ready for work. She told me who it was, and asked if I was alone. I immediately burst into tears knowing something was wrong with the test or the baby. She explained to me that our blood work came back elevated and that meant we were at a much higher risk for spina bifida and other defects with the baby. She assured me that sometimes this means nothing but it can also mean the baby's spine can be exposed at birth and that can cause everything from mild loss of sensation in the baby's feet, to complete paralysis or even death. I was a hysterical mess on my bathroom floor and she explained that it was very important to immediately get me into the high risk fetal center and have them do an emergency ultrasound to see the baby and look for these types of defects and also to meet with the genetic counselors and the high risk fetal surgical team if they detected a problem. The earliest they could get me in for the ultrasound was this morning. So we have spent the last 2 days praying endlessly for our baby to be healthy and to be ok and for some explanation as to why this test came back abnormal. It has been hands down the scariest two days I have ever been through. Nothing can prepare you for the excitement of a baby (especially a long awaited one) and then to feel like that has all been ripped away from you in mere seconds is just about unbearable. You start to prepare yourself for mourning, mourning of a healthy baby or a baby at all. I try to be an optimistic person, Taylor is far better at that than me but I also try to be realistic and to hope for the best but to prepare myself for the worst.  I asked a few people to pray for us and for good results and pray they did and good results we got.

We had our ultrasound done this morning and they looked at every square inch of our baby (who is still very ornery and wouldn't sit still for anything to get pictures). They looked at the head, all the parts of the brain, the face, the chest, heart, large vessels, abdomen, kidneys, stomach, length of arm/leg bones, other measurements of different things and the baby's spine. Everything looked perfect and normal. The sigh of relief that came over Taylor said it all. Baby is healthy! Baby is ornery... but healthy and that is all that matters. We then met with the genetic counselor who told us that based on our levels in the blood work they have seen a correlation with problems with the placenta more commonly than with the baby itself. They think that the placenta might be slightly weak and that is what is leaking the protein and not the baby itself. The placenta carries blood, nutrients and oxygen to the baby and if the placenta fails, the baby can die. There is no immediate threat as the placenta looks good at this time and the baby is measuring perfectly. But I am now considered "high risk" again and will have another ultrasound in 4 weeks (20 weeks pregnant) and one in 12 weeks  (at 28 weeks). From then on I will start having weekly ultrasounds and tests to measure how healthy the baby is and how well it is growing. If at any time it seems the baby is not getting what it needs or starts to struggle they will evaluate the risks to the baby to be born prematurely or to stay inside and cook a little longer. There is a high risk that we will deliver this baby before it's due but can also carry to term as long as things go well. So please pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby from here on out.

this is the best picture she could get of baby.

In funnier news, most of you know I have been DYING To know if this nugget is a boy or a girl. We asked on facebook what most people think and we had 27 girl votes and 9 boy votes. Guess we know what you all think! ( I have to agree, I think girl too). But this little nugget was sitting breech (feet down) and snuggled into my pelvis sitting indian style with crossed legs, feet conveniently covering it's crotch. We could see NOTHING. The entire sonogram. Not even a glimpse, we tried walking around, jumping jacks, going to the bathroom, laying on my side, wiggling and poking my belly, tapping on it with the ultrasound wand. She tried 3 separate times and this nugget would NOT move. I honestly don't care because I am just so relieved and happy our baby is healthy. It doesn't matter to me if it's a boy or a girl but I would like to know so I can start shopping and planning. We will try again next week and then keep you posted :)
Thank you for the prayers and positive thoughts for our baby already. 16 week post to come soon!

15 weeks, baby smith and some baby lions

This week was so fun! Taylor, my mom and I all went to Fayetteville, AR to visit my sister for the day on sunday. We drove down 3.5hrs and met with Erika and got a tour of her gorgeous newly renovated sorority house and got to see her room.

This is the front freakin entryway. Amazing!

 Then we went to this zoo about 30 minutes outside Fayetteville in Gentry, AR. It's a wildlife drive through safari and zoo. There is a 400 acre reservation that has tons of awesome animals that you can stay in your car and drive and they come right up to your window. Then there is a part that you walk around and there are tons of animals that you can pet and touch and hold like goats, baby cows and horses, wallabies, rabbits, pigs and piglets, capuchin monkeys and BABY LIONS!!! Yes I said it, baby freakin lions! They want all their big cats to be socialized and used to people so they let you go into this pin and sit on the hay and snuggle their newest litter of lion cubs. Erika had told us about this and we saw pics from times she had gone in the past but it has been a bucket list item for me ever since and we had to go before the weather gets bad and the baby comes.

This is Piper the capuchin monkey.

it basically attacked mom.

She was trying not to drop it, as it crawled all over her. LOVE HER LAUGH in this pic.

 

Here are the lions. Hands down one of the coolest experiences of my life. It's amazing that they only weighed about 10 lbs each but they were so similar to their adult counterparts. They paced the walls of the pin and they pounce and stalk moving items. Their little growls and cries are soooo cute. Sometimes they reminded me of house cats and others you can see their aggression and their strength and it gets a little scary. Their tiny teeth are sharp and so are their claws!

 Is this not the cutest thing you have ever seen?!

 LOVING MY LIFE!...Can ya tell?

Aww little nugget.

Then we saw the giraffes, Erika's favorite animal! Scarlett and Sophia. They were only a year old and stood 10 and 11 feet tall.

Baby baboon that was like 6 lbs or less, it was wearing preemie baby diapers! SOO cute. They had it in a playpen with that stuffed bear to cling to because it's momma wasn't being as attentive to her as she should have been and they were worried about her starving or being neglected.

White Buffalo!

 This would be my sister trying to pet the zebra (even though the signs say EVERYWHERE to keep your windows rolled up) Rebel!

 My mom and my sister have been looking for a cute giraffe stuffed animal for the baby since they found out I was pregnant, as a gift from AuntiE and we found one at the zoo! It's soooo soft, I love it!

Overall we had an incredible day, we went to a few shops in Fayetteville when we got back and to DamGoode Pies, a great pizza place! It was sad to come home but we were exhausted and it was great to see Erika.

 

Here is a selfie bump pic in my first maternity outfit ever! Ignore my wet hair

 

This is happening this year....just orange duct tape on a black shirt.

And this is happening next year (in a bigger size of course)

 

And the most important thing about this week is....... I have been 3 solid days in a row without getting sick one single time! I haven't really even been nauseous......and drum roll please.....this has all been UNMEDICATED!!!!! HURRAY! I think it might be coming to a close.

 Now watch, i'll pack on 30 lbs in 2 weeks. lol sigh

 

Chalkboard time!

I need to work on the colors in my pics, The chalkboard looks so much better in real life, it's yellow on top, then orange and then pink. I will work on it.

How far along? 15 weeks, baby is the size of a naval orange
Total weight gain: Still sitting around 16 pounds lost.

Maternity clothes? I got my orders from old navy, gap and target in yesterday and it was like Christmas morning. I got stuff on SUPER sale and even got to use a 40% off sale price coupon at old navy. I ended up with about 10 shirts, 2 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of leggings. Let me say that "full panel" on the maternity jeans....sexy but effective. The jeans stay up and they make my baby bump look a little bigger :) Maternity clothes are COMFY! Just have to find a nice fall dress for a few weddings we have coming up.  

Sleep: My sleep comes in chunks at any time of day, I fall asleep watching TV but then am wide awake at 2 am so I sleep in the next day and it's just crazy.

Best moment this week: Holding a baby lion! Seeing my sister and spending time with my family.

Miss Anything? My sister!

Movement: Still waiting....But it's really early to feel anything and my placenta is probably going to block movement until baby is bigger bc it's in the front of my stomach.
Food cravings: Pretzels with cheese, buffalo chicken dip, pot roast and mashed potatoes. Things are finally starting to sound yummy!

Anything making you queasy or sick: meat still bothers me but I haven't gotten sick from it lately.

Gender: We will find out October 19th.

Symptoms: weird dreams, belly growing, stuffy nose.

Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: The weather staying cool, My belly to get bigger and finding out what we are having.

14 weeks

AHHH I am getting behind, I am almost 16 weeks and haven't posted the 14 week pic or the 15 week yet. Yikes! The weeks are flying by lately and I have two problems, lack of bump photographer when I have cute clothing on (i.e. anything other than sweats or scrubs) and/or no chalkboard done for that week on time, which is mainly because I am a perfectionist and want a good idea and good design for that week and some cool fonts and such.

But 14 weeks was pretty uneventful honestly, still getting sick although I must admit it was less and less often as the days went on. I had lunch with a great friend of mine that has been a friend since we were about 6 years old. That's 20 years!! She is such an amazing presence in my life and was my go-to person for my wedding and a role model for motherhood so far. She too is a NICU nurse and an incredible momma and I love her to pieces. Lunch with her and her sweet little was way over due but I am so glad it happened.

I also got my hair cut! I don't know if it's these prenatal vitamins or pregnancy hormones but my hair has been growin like crazy! And still shedding as bad too? When does this "thick luxurious mane of pregnancy" grow in? I chopped 7ish inches and it still looks long! Crazy.

Ignore my cleaning house all day "glow" and nasty hair but here is the bump from earlier in the week.

Fall décor is up!

Chalkboard time.

How far along? 14 weeks, baby is the size of a lemon
Total weight gain: 15-17lbs lost depending on the day. I think I gain some back and then I weigh the next day (not because I am obsessing just simply curious as my body is changing) and it'll be back down to where I was but I am staying around 16 pounds for the most part.

Maternity clothes? My jeans and pants still fit just fine but shirts are starting to fit weird. Might start thinkin about maternity clothes since my orders from a few places should be coming in soon.

Sleep: Sleeping pretty well, just require a TON of sleep.

Best moment this week: Seeing Jenna and Jillian and getting my hair cut.

Miss Anything? not really anything I can think of.

Movement: still can't feel anything yet but I sometimes lay really still and wait and hope I will.  
Food cravings: Soft pretzels and cheese.

Anything making you queasy or sick: still meat and the smell or look of it.

Gender: We will find out October 19th.

Symptoms: sick, weird dreams, stomach getting bigger.

Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: The weather staying cool, My belly to get bigger and finding out what we are having.