Father's Day, a love story.

Yesterday we celebrated Taylor's first Father's day and nothing says Happy 1st Father's day like chuckin the deuces and throwin him into the deep end with his kid while I went back to work for the first night. Sink or swim babe. Sink. or. swim. But he swam! They both did! But we will get to that part in a hot second.

Taylor told me on our first date that since he was an only child and missed out on the experience of having siblings that he wanted 10 kids. With a strait face. *Record skip* Say what?! 10?! Fo Real? and he said "yep", plain as day. He wants a whole sports team, he may end up with a basketball team (5) instead of a football team but hey we will see what God gives us.

We've always wanted a big family and a whole bunch of kids running around causing chaos and smearin' poop on the wall and letting a jar of lighting bugs loose in the house and giggling as they try to kill each other. What? That was my childhood? oh ok, whoops (all but the poop part...I made that up because I was ornery and my kids will surely be 100x worse because payback is a biotch). There is something about me that loves and is fascinated by a large family and Taylor too. We by no means want to be the Duggars but we kind of feel that as long as we can afford them, the more the merrier.

twins

 This means infertility was just as hard on Taylor as it was on me. People think men don't care or don't get emotional about infertility and are just along for the ride. Someone once told me "I can't believe you are making your husband do all that testing and you're putting him through all that." The truth is, he was just as on board for whatever it took as I was. He wanted to be a dad just as badly as I wanted to be a mom. He sat through awkward tests and came to almost all the appointments and felt the crushing devastation of another failed cycle. He walked around the hospital for hours waiting during my surgery holding a bag of my clothes, he held me when I cried and while I didn't see his tears, I know he felt it all too. He got his hopes up over and over just like I did. He didn't kill me when I was a hormonal nightmare from fertility drugs. He worked hard and found ways to help us afford our fertility meds and treatments by working extra and redoing out budget. He has been so involved from minute one of this family starting process.

He was there every step of my pregnancy from first sonogram to last. He squinted under different lights month after month looking for 2 pink lines instead of one.  He held me together and prayed for us and kept his optimism during our spina bifida scare. He held my hair when I was sick day after day, night after night, week after week. He shoved ice cream down my throat when I felt good enough to eat just to get calories in me, he refilled my anti-nausea prescriptions, sat with me in the hospital while I had to get IV fluids and meds and made me laugh so I wouldn't cry, he gave up on eating at a restaurant for months because I couldn't handle the smells, he let me choose where and what and when we ate, he never asked me to cook and gained weight because he had to fend for himself and eat fast food. He helped me register for baby crap and shop a bajillion times without complaining. He decorated the nursery exactly how I wanted and built Henry's crib. He held my hand and made me laugh during labor, he took incredible pictures and videos for me when Henry was born because he knows how important the memories are for me. He fed me and held my drink up for me and put my chapstick on me if my lips looked dry while I was using both hands to learn to feed our son. He stayed up countless nights with me just to rub my back as I nursed so I wouldn't feel alone. He makes me give Henry to him so that I go upstairs to take a hot bubble bath or shower after he gets home from work.  He has become the most amazing husband and father from even before Henry was conceived but especially now. Taylor was made to be a dad and a damn good one at that. He holds Henry every chance he gets, gets jealous when someone else is holding him instead. He can't wait to pick Henry up, hug and kiss and talk to him when he walks in the door. He plays with him, has learned how to feed, diaper, bathe, swaddle and love him like a great father should. He rocks him and reads him stupid children's books and he loves like I've never seen. He loves him so good.
I know I am bragging but he deserves the recognition. He didn't have to be so involved or so loving and supportive but he wants to and that's the best part. It makes me cry to see how that man loves his family.

So when I had to go back to work last night and leave my boys for the first time I of course was devastated. I haven't been away from Henry longer than 2 hours before and I'm a control freak. That's a bad combination for a mother going back to work but the good news is. I couldn't ask for a better situation. My son gets to stay home in the evenings and snuggle and play with his daddy and have special bonding time with him while I go help save sick babes at work. Because I work night shift (full time which is only 3 nights/ week) I get to go to work at 6pm knowing that my wonderful husband is home with my baby taking the best care of him possible instead of a stranger. I don't have to worry because I know Taylor gives him just as good of care and love as I do. It was hard to leave them but I didn't cry because I knew they were going to do great. Taylor updated me through the night, even gave Henry a bath, did his bedtime routine, fed a bottle, rocked, snuggled, read books and put him to bed by 10pm.

Taylor sent me this picture at work of Henry fresh out of the bath, happy and snuggled in his clean warm jammies. 

Taylor,
I couldn't ask for a better partner in life, I was so in love with you before, but my love has grown exponentially watching you love our son. You're an incredible father, the best I could have ever imagined and I can't thank God enough for you. Thank you for everything you do for both of us and Happy First Father's Day!
We love you babe!
Love,
Babe and Hankers

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For Father's day we didn't do much since I was sleeping before work and getting ready (poor Taylor) but we did have homemade cinnamon rolls (Taylor's favorite), Henry and I gave Taylor a homemade card from Henry, a rack for all of his fishing poles for the garage and his fishing licence for this year. And then of course he had 14 hours of single dad duty while I was gone. hehe

This was Taylor's card

I also made them for my stepdad and Taylor's dad

This one is for Taylor's dad because he likes to fish. 

And this one is for my stepdad because he loves to golf (see the golf greens are Henry's footprints)

Happy First father's day babe, you're the best and Happy father's day to our dads and all the others in the world! We love you!

(and as for work....it was actually really good. I had a few meltdowns this week putting Henry to bed and doing his night time routine because I was going to miss it when I had to be gone at work but when I left yesterday my boys were snuggling on the couch, Henry was asleep loving on his daddy's chest and I knew they would be fine. I was actually more nervous about going back to work because I was afraid I would have forgotten what to do and wouldn't know new protocols or changes that had been made while I was gone. I was also nervous about having a patient assignment that would allow me to step away 3 times during the shift to pump.  But, I got floated to Full Term Nursery (we take turns floating when we are overstaffed and other units need help. Out of the girls that were on last night, they had all floated while I was off work so it was my turn). It turned out great because full term nursery is healthy babies that don't have a super strict schedule and I was able to pump three times and ease back into the swing of things with simple baby assessments, blood sugars, lab draws and breastfeeding help. It was great being a momma myself to speak from experience now. I feel like I was hopefully more helpful than I was prior to having a baby. I'm excited to be back and see my work friends. I love my job and I love helping provide for my family. When I got home Henry woke up and I was standing there and he got the biggest smile and belly laugh I have ever seen out of him, he was so excited to see me and that's when I lost it and started crying. I've held him all day....